A Feeling I want to Remember

Today, life began again.  Dan is back at school, and our vacations are over.  I've been dreading this day since he started his break.  It's hard not having him around much, it's hard watching him miss Gwen, and it's especially hard watching her do new things without him there to see it.  I try to fill his school days with activities and outings so we aren't stuck at home, but today everything kind of fell through, so we were home most of the day.  And I'm really glad, because if we weren't, I would have missed this feeling.  I've been overwhelmed today with a feeling of gratitude.  I am so grateful that I get to stay home with my angel.  I am so grateful that I get to see her sweet spirit develop.  I am so grateful I get to watch her grow and learn, and make mistakes, and try new things.  Somedays it's hard, but today it was gratifying.  It was just a day where we meshed and I noticed it.  I noticed the little things that I sometimes miss or take for granted.  Like the way she crinkles her nose when she's mimicking my smile, or the way she always cranes her head around in her high chair to see exactly what I'm doing at the sink.  The way she tramps around the house, following my every footstep, never being more than 2 behind me.  The way that she teases Chloe, and tries to copy everything I say to her.  She truly is my miracle, and I cannot even imagine my life without her.  It would be so empty.  She brings so much life and love into our home.  Today there was a special spirit with us, and I don't want to forget it.  It was so powerful, and I don't know why it was there today, but I needed it.  And I am grateful to my Heavenly Father for sending it.  Today when I put her down for her nap, she looked up at me and said, "song?" and when I asked her if she wanted me to sing her a song, she said, "yes!" which is kind of rare.  So I sang, and when the song was over, she said, "more?" so I sang again, and she fell asleep.  She is getting so big and so smart, and she is starting to not be my baby anymore, and I hate it.  But I love watching her grow and learn, and become her.  She is amazing and has a world of potential.  I've been feeling nostalgic today, for those first newborn days, where she'd snuggle for hours, and I'd never get anything done because I couldn't bring myself to put her down.  For the days when she was my baby.  But she's not.  She's my toddler now, and I'd never trade it, but I sure wish I could slow it down.  I'm not ready for her to be big yet.  I still need her to need me, and she's getting so independent.  But, today I am grateful that she is my baby, that she is my toddler, that she is mine, and that we can be together forever.  I want to remember this feeling, and carry this spirit with me into all my tomorrows.  Today, I am grateful.